Freezing inside & out

Oh dear Stevie, looks like you're only getting 3 old fishfingers this year seeing as you've been so horrid of late. Impatience never pays. Let that be a lesson to you young man.

Present hiding in this apartment is so hard. There are very few cupboards and those I have are constantly being explored by my two little helpers. I started getting myself organised for Christmas tonight and began the wrapping of the presents. Orla's are the red and white, Hamish's the blue and white. It looks like I'm going for an American theme, but really, it was just the case that the nicest paper I saw was in IKEA. I have really pretty German ribbons to tie them up, but I got bored so that'll be tomorrow nights task.

That, and putting together the Playmobil. (At least I can hide that in the now defunct washing machine)

P.S. This freezer has never been on, so I am not actually freezing the presents. I brought my freezer with me, and since the fridge above this frrezer is crap, I didn't see the point in trying it out.

Saturday-Shoplifter Stevie

So at the end of my last post I mentioned that I had thought I'd had my purse stolen and then I tried as I thought, unsuccessfully, to cancel my Commerzbank card, and got the neighbours upstairs involved in the cancelling before Stevie came up holding the purse that had been sitting on the sofa.

As things turned out I had quite a lot on my mind the next day what with people poking about with my eyes and then an afternoon split between entertaining the kids and mulling over the prospect of needles in my eye every 8 weeks. Apparently what I should have been doing is going down to the Commerzbank and checking whether I had actually managed to cancel my card. But I didn't. I reasoned that I either had done it, or I hadn't. If I hadn't then, great, next time I used my card all would be fine. If I had cancelleed it then my card wouldn't work and no doubt a new one and a new PIN would be making their way to me some time around Christmas. Or New Year, knowing the Commerzbank.

Am I too casual about things like this? We had cash and I wasn't in any immediate need to take money out. I didn't really give it much thought, and to be honest by Friday I'd forgotten about it. So by today, it was a near distant memory.

Until we went to IKEA. (Why is it that when you combine IKEA, me, and the Commerzbank things go hideously wrong?? Should I change my bank to get out of this horrid cycle?) We had gone sledging nearby and the kids were starving afterwards so as IKEA was handy we stopped off there for some meatballs and I managed to pick up a few storage boxes for the growing Playmobil collection which (note: I handily stacked so they were easier to carry). Oh and they had the kids basket of fabric vegetables back in so I got one of those, and then as we were passing I also thought I should get a new storage jar for my risotto rice. And then because Stevie was getting impatient to the point of not coping with IKEA on a Saturday and because the vegetables were for Orla, he went to the express checkout to pay with his card and I wandered over to the meatball freezer with the kids.

The first thing that really pissed off Stevie was getting accused of shoplifting. It's easy done when you only listen to the first half of your dear girlfriend's conversation regarding toy storage. "Should I get 2 of these? Would you be opposed to me buying another of these storage units in the New Year? Do you even care? Ok, I'm getting 3! Because I am definetly buying that when the car isn't full of sledges and crates of empty bottles.". So he scanned 1 crate twice, and then he got collared and the first I knew about it was him screaming across at me "What? 3??? You never told me you were getting 3? Moan, moan, moan". At this point I could tell that Stevie was getting to the point where he can easily be tipped over the edge of reasonableness into a foul mood not because he was now being classed as a shoplifter, but because the transaction was taking too long.

So I shouted back, "Just forget it then, just get 2. It really doesn't matter", you know as you do, because even though you really want something you'd rather just have an easy life. And then we got to payment. If I had known better I would have walked out of the shop with my children and run for the hills and never returned. But you see, I'd forgotten all about Wednesday night. But I remembered as quick as a flash when his card got rejected and he got directed over to a 'colleague'. Shoplifter and card stealer!

Well, what can I say? I forgot it was a joint account and that he might be affected. Curse the Commerzbank! Curse my successful telephone cancelling!

I am going to end up with a terrible guilt complex. Not only do I feel bad about cancelling Stevie's card, but when we got home I put on the washing machine (with a final big bag of Playmobil in it) and now the washing machine is broken. It isn't able to drain, and we can't find the blockage, and even though there is no substantiating evidence, I think we all know that there is a high probability that a pride of lions are more than likely the cause of our soaking wet floor. Has anyone got a dark hole I can crawl into before the downstairs neighbours come round to complain about the massive costly damp patch on their ceiling?

Christmas in its component parts

I have 3 sodding bags of Playmobil requiring my attention. Literally sodding. I decided I should start getting ready for Christmas whenever I have a chance in the evening as otherwise I'll run out of time. Amongst other things I have got the kids, I have managed to buy them a whole load of second hand Playmobil.

Hamish was desperate for the zoo and I was lucky enough to find it in the second hand shop round the corner from my language school, along with extra elephants and brand new in box pandas.

Orla was throwing desirous glances at the princesses sets, and I managed to get a small/medium set of that at a great price. And they both rather fancied the farm, and lo and behold the very next day after buying the zoo they had a box of farm bits and bobs with the largest herd of cattle imaginable. Well there're about 12, I'm sure you can imagine more, but you get the picture.

I also walked past another second hand shop in Charlottenburg one Sunday and spied what I thought might be a massive selection of zoo animals. So when Hamish was off Kita with the sick bug (but in recovery) I walked 3 miles there and 3 miles back, and all just for a family of polar bears and a camel.

My German teacher recommended washing it in the washing machine on a 30 degree wash, and that is what I have done. I have 3 bags which have zip closings and are washable and I stuffed them each full of Playmobil last night and washed them today.

The result is handbags full of Playmobil chaos. Everything has come apart. Down to all the little flowers coming off the princess garden foliage (I kind of expected that), but I also have a camel missing a leg and anything that can be broken down into smaller parts is in smaller parts. It took us ages to make up the zoo and we broke it back down into more manageable sizes for washing, but I can see I have many hours work ahead of me.

My green fingered son

My neighbours will be the people with green and blue stains around their mouths until the days they die.

I thought it would be a nice thing to do to make Christmas biscuits with the kids and give them as a little thankyou gift to our upstairs neighbour in thanks for the Dec. 6th gifts she gave the kids. Especially as I wanted to experiment with these pre-made biscuit mix things that I've seen loads of in the fridges of the supermarkets.

We had great fun this afternoon with cutters and the kids could quite happily have made biscuits all afternoon. Hamish's were a little more rustic in style compared to Orla's. Then we baked them, let them cool, and I unleashed the coloured writing icing.

By the time we got to the icing stage the kids had started stripping off. Orla managed to keep her t-shirt on, but Hamish prefers to decorate in the nude. It wasn't until right at the end i.e. the icing was all finished, that Hamish moved from decorating biscuits to colouring in his tummy. Then when I went to get him cleaned up it was nice to discover that in fact it was more like food colouring than just icing. If Kita ask I'm going to tell them it's vegetables that have stained his fingers and stomach. Excessive broccoli ingestion.

How to live in the absence of digestives

Stevie had to go back to Derby for a few days for work. I was quite excited by this and prepared a list of things for him to buy while he was there. Number 1 of course was travel adapters. We have been unplugging the tv so that we can use the hoover, and stopping the charging of the laptop in order to boil the kettle. Our need for travel adapters is vast given that we brought everything with us. I have secret fears about travel adapters. I think it stems from the days of - what were they called?- 3 point plugs?? I'm sure my mum instilled in me that these were the most dangerous things on the planet. Travel adapters have a similar cachet about them, and if I didn't have better things to lie awake at night worrying about, then I certainly could spend many a happy hour pondering whether there may be a chance that we'll all burn in our beds some dark night in November when we're least expecting it.

I also hate the way that you can hardly ever get them to go into the wall properly and they're always just hanging out a little. Paranoid Fiona is sure that one day the hoover that has sucked up more food in its lifetime than Orla has will be responsible for some kind of electrocution accident involving either of my children, or more likely me, showing them the perils of sockets and electricity.

I won't go into the other 'delights' that were on the list, except to say that it featured an extensive list of childrens DVD's especially selected from the Asda website by Orla and myself. I put my foot down when it came to Barney though. Even if it's episodes I've not seen before I just can't take any more of those obnoxious children with their upheld hands gesturing every emotion.

Stevie got back last night and unveiled his booty. I think we all squealed with excitement. I bombarded Stevie with questions: "So what was it like?", "Did the supermarkets seem massive?", "What did you think of all the choice on offer?", "Did it seem like too much?" "Did everything seem dead cheap?", oh and, "Did you feel like you'd missed it?". I think I successfully added to the impression that Stevie is getting that I am losing my mind. "Fiona," he said "It's only been 6 weeks since you were in Tesco. What do you think has changed since you left?".

I don't think we are too bad when it comes to adapting to German products. Admittedly, the one thing that we found we really miss is Robinsons Apple & Blackcurrant and I make regular trips to 'Broken English' to stock up. Aside from that though, there's not really much I miss. (Yeah, ok, so I moan about the lack of choice and everything, but really, I'm not hankering after anything else in 'Broken English'.

I do seem to be building up a little database in my head of which shops and supermarkets sell which British (and American) items, just in case. I've also got a new hobby, which is reading the discussion boards on Toytown Berlin where poor homesick souls ask where they can find things like brown sauce or god forbid, Coors Light. I find the food-related topics less vicious than say, the work or apartment related topics, but in general, the expat community comes across as a terrible angry mob, ready to shout at you for your desirous thoughts about digestives. One day, dear readers, this could be me!

Lovely things arrive at last.

At last! My lovely prints arrived from Australia. I ordered a limited print for my sister for her birthday from Tiel Seivl-Keevers through her tsk tsk shop on Etsy. I love her designs and would have loved to keep her '8 days a week' print for myself. But I am a kind, generous, selfless, kind of a sister, so I settled for hoping my sister would hate it and give it back to me, and as a back up plan I ordered a wee something for myself - (her 'jet bird' print).

What I hadn't considered in all of this was customs and excise charges. So when they arrived I had £10 to pay. Then another £5 to send it onwards to my sister securely. Now my sister is on the hunt for a lovely frame and nice mount for it (unfortunately she really loves it) It's a gift that just keeps on billing!

The Kate picture

I spent a little less time on the internet last night, and I bit more time being creative. I did this for my friend's daughter for the joint party next weekend. It's meant to be one of these 'secret Santa' type things but I enjoyed doing it so much that I wanted to show it early. This is the kind of thing I plan on spending my time doing in Berlin. What do you think? I hope she likes it.

My birthday

It's my birthday. I got a teensy lie in after being out last night with my friends. Teensy, as Stevie my beloved had said 'Drink as much as you like and stay out as late as you want, because I won't play football so you can lie in and get a good sleep.' Then this morning 'Oh, the football manager called me last night and they really need me so I'm off to play football. You better get up.'

The morning passed in a sleepy, mildly hungover blur. We played in the garden, and I got to play with my new camera. The kids played on the trampoline and wanted in and out of it like yo-yo's and every time they got out I got a massive electric shock off of each of them. I'm starting to go right off that trampoline. I don't remember it ever producing so much static.

We rounded off the day by having a wee jig to some nice ceilidh music. The kids loved it! And now I think I shall rest.

New camera!

My new camera has finally arrived. I love it! I just have to learn how to work it, and then I am all set to get myself a Flickr account and then I can fritter even more time away on the internet on a daily basis. Yippee!

Only a quick update for the moment, my German lesson awaits, and I'm a bit behind Stevie because I'm always trying to do something else at the same time so end up taking nothing in.

The best things in life are 3 !!!

Hamish modelling the Disney Princess Wig

The Granny on the left is oozing positivity

Orla blowing out her candles on my patchy Mickey Mouse cake.
You can't buy them like that in Asda!

My lovely tantrum-throwing Orla turned three this weekend. We decided not to go mad on presents because we're moving and told everyone just to get small, light things. I think this was tough on the Uncles who always like to get her big toys, but it would be even tougher on them if they saw them on eBay a week later.

With both sets of grandparents down to visit we just had a small party. I was all set, I ordered my black icing in advance, and made a Mickey Mouse cake (as per client request) the night before. Sadly, I'm just never that organised and I didn't quite order enough, so the ears were quite bare, ha, ha! I rolled it as thin as I could, it was as thin as paper, but still just not quite enough. I would have disguised it by putting ribbon round it, but what with it being 11pm the night before the party, I just couldn't get my hands on any.

Stevie was dreading the weekend despite taking zero part in the organisation. He even took to his bed on the day of the party a bit like a character in a Bronte novel who has 'had a turn'. A good time was had by all, except perhaps by Frank, who sat/stood/roamed with his coat on the whole time as though he might do a runner at any moment. One day I will blog lots of Frank stories, but I fear it might have to be long after he is dead.

My mum was on fine, cheery form too. She gave me a heart-shaped locket which she said she was going to give me on my 40th, but was giving me it now 'because she probably wouldn't last that long'. It's only 4 years! She's 66 and doesn't seem at deaths door. You can't beat the positive thinking in my family. Should I start preparing Orla for the worst by saying "Sadly, Mamie's not going to make it to your 7th birthday"? "Mind you, she never made it to your 1st birthday either, but we won't hold it against her...much".

Revenge: A dish best served on Father's Day

I think I see a pattern forming. Stevie seemed to decide that Mother's Day is all about mothers and their children spending quality time together. "Fair enough" I said, "but I get to spend quality time with them every day of the week and I don't really think that's a good enough excuse for me getting up with them at the crack of dawn and you getting to lie in bed until nearly a quarter to lunchtime". But he explained "What would you be doing if we were living up in Scotland? Exactly! You'd be going to see your mum and spending some quality time with her, doing something, and I'd be doing the same. It's about the kids doing something with their mum!". Chances are though, if we lived in Scotland I would not be starting my mum's Sunday by wailing "Muuummmmeeeee!" from my bed, while my sister (see, I told you I'd give you a nice mention) handed her a sloshing potty from the top of the stairs with a wavering hand.

So, it turns out Stevie asked the kids what they would like to get me for Mother's Day. Orla, the oldest, has only just grasped that this is not my birthday, and Hamish doesn't care, but hopes that it involves cake somewhere down the line. So he said to them "What would you like to get Mummy? Would you like to get her flowers; would you like to take her to see some baby animals, or would you like to get her something nice to wear?". I didn't even need to make that bold, did I?

Stevie doesn't see this as child manipulation, or think that there's anything even doubtful about this range of choices he offered them. So we went to the zoo. I quite like the zoo, and fair enough happy kids make for a happy mummy, but I think there's just something a bit off about the whole deal. This Father's Day (20th June) I will ask them if they'd like to give him a day in the pub, a nice expensive Orla Kiely handbag full of cake, or as much uninterrupted sleep as he could devour. Hmmm...wonder what they'll choose. Oh, and he can get up at say 4:30 am or something to max out on that quality time with the kids. Lovely!

Sex, Lies, and Valentines Day

It may be a few days since Valentines Day, but it's taken me this long to get over my gift. I have to say from the off that I did get a box of chocolates and a bottle of cava, so he's not that bad, but my main present, wait for it, was a lie about a hair appointment.

How crap is that? He told me he had booked me in to Tony and Guy at 3pm on Friday afternoon with someone called Rachel. I knew as soon as he said it that it was a lie, but he insisted that it wasn't. Why bother??? When I asked if I phoned them to check or if I turned up on Friday would I make a complete fool of myself he was adamant that I would not, but he started having to hide a smile, so that fully confirmed it as a lie. He just cannot keep a straight face when he is lying. The rotter.

So in fact I felt annoyed with him in the end, when really he should have just said nothing and things would have been much better.

I am going to get him a lie about a Porsche and an unbooked trip to New York for his birthday...