The less you care, the happier you will be.

bear sea rescue.

God, I was in a foul mood. But, today I feel good. Very good!

I am working on solving Hamish's Kita problem out one way or another. All the hitting which I have spoken to the Kita about over the past few months is getting Hamish down, and the final straw seems to be his best pal smacking him one in the face. I get it. So, it's all in hand. I'm going to speak to the Kita manager on Monday; I would really like them to sort this out once and for all because the staff are nice, and there are people working in Hamish's class who I really like. There are others I have less time for, so if it comes to it I will strike a deal with them where every time my son gets hit, spat at, bitten, punched, I get to do the same to the staff member of my choice. I can see her with the Sport form getting a bit of a raw deal... ha, ha!

But seriously, if this isn't something they feel they can resolve then I will just remove him completely and find somewhere else. This little episode has made me feel much better about the prospect of returning home. And in actual fact I feel more at peace with whatever outcome we end up with. Whatever happens will be fine.

I am still making plans for the possibility that we get an extension to our secondment, and still making plans for if we decide to stay on without the secondment extension, and now I am making plans for if we go back to Derby. Admittedly, the return to Derby plans come down to me having a darn good think about what colour I am going to paint the walls (very, very pale grey?) and where I might have a plate wall, and whether I could talk Stevie into a carpet the colour of purple heather. It's hardly major life decisions... unless you count being stuck with a really bad carpet colour choice for quite a few years.

Having a bad Wednesday? We have a form for that.

{This post is punctuated with my favourite gloomy photos of Berlin just to cheer me up*}



I made a fool of myself this morning by crying at Kita.



Hamish was screaming like a banshee and I had been wrestling his coat and boots off of him while trying to talk calmly to him. But that wasn't working and as I was putting his stuff in his cupboard and closing the lock he was screaming at my heels and unlocking it and grabbing all his belongings back again.



Normally, this wouldn't happen. it's never normally as bad. But today was a screaming and howling all the way there kind of a day, and normally even if this did happen I would have the time to sit and cuddle him and make him feel better, and the time to get him settled and playing and looking for his little friend.



Today however, I had to get back to the apartment as quick as possible in order to wait in for a guy coming to change the water meters. And of course, because the child-to-staff ratio is so high here, there wasn't anyone who could help me just deal with Hamish.



So I ended up shouting "Enough!", which caused all the other mothers to stare at me - honestly, do German mothers never shout at their children?, which made me feel like some kind of foreign outcast, and then after some more screaming, calm talking, and further wrestling of coats and boots from tiny, claw-like, vice-gripping fingers, I gave up.




I was running out of time, and I had to get home. So, I told Hamish just to get his boots back on, and I helped him on with his coat, and it was at this point (with parents still staring at me), that one of the staff came up. I said 'I must go', and figured she knew the score. Instead she started lecturing me about why I hadn't handed the form back in for Hamish to do sport. I tried to explain that I was having 'some difficulties' and that I couldn't give a crap about didn't have the Sport form. No kind words; no "He'll be fine here"; no "Let me take him so you can go"; just "Why have you not completed the Sport form?".



So I cried. And I left. On the plus side, it's a reminder that it's not all good times and lovely living here. There are still times when I feel like such a total outsider here that the prospect of going back to the UK in five months is a comfort. If it comes to the point whereby we know we are definitely going back and I am having serious second thoughts about it, I think I might take myself to the Burgeramt and apply for a new parking permit or something without having all the correct paperwork with me. That should sort that out.



{*Should you wish to flick through a few more of my photos, dreary or cheery, feel free to visit my flickr page}

Laterne, laterne, or the one where Stevie buys us a house-pony

Like he cares how many trees I cut out...

It's Laterne Fest time again. Seems like hardly any time at all since I was last coated with a fine layer of PVA and glitter, but here we are again. Last year it was all a bit of a mystery to me. I had no idea who St. Martin was or what exactly the celebration was meant to entail. All I knew was that I was told to make two lanterns out of cardboard and tissue paper and anything else that I could find that was highly flammable, insert two burning tealights, and set my children loose, swinging them and whacking each other until every last hair on their heads and eyebrow was burnt off. Fortunately, I had just misunderstood, and what I was actually being asked to buy was a 'Leuchtstaebchen' - which is a tiny light bulb on a stick powered by batteries and often with some kind of flashing mechanism. (Also doubles as a weapon/switch in the hands of a toddler, so you'll be able to coordinate your body glitter with the bruises across your knees and thighs).

Of course if you are embracing integration into German life with gusto, you can buy a 'traditional' kit and with a "Viel Spass!" to your toddling 2 year old flame-swinger, cast aside all your UK/USA Health & Safety ingrained paranoia. The irony of course is that your decidedly-non-German child will expose you as the hapless foreigner as they wander around setting light to all the other kids lanterns as they bash them together. So I would probably recommend spending an extra Euro or two and getting one with a bulb.

As regard the lantern itself, well you have 3 choices. You can buy one ready-made (most tend to look like paper ball-type lightshades with pictures printed on them); you can join all the mummies at Kita and make on on the day of your Kita's Laternefest (I have heard that it is normally a far more civilised affair at other Kita's, but it's a real 'elbow-sharpening' event at ours where there can be nearly 100 parents squeezed into a small room at a time all desperately snatching the nicest bits of paper); or you can make one in the relative peace and calm with or without child input.

In actual fact my greatest concern last year was not that there was a possibility of my children inadvertently setting the Kita alight, but that I didn't know what the 'theme' was meant to be. I assumed that all the lanterns should be decorated with let's say pumpkins or something representing the occasion, but it's a freestyle decorating event. Last year I made both Orla & Hamish's lanterns though they chose the materials. Hamish went for some lovely translucent flame printed paper that I thought would be hideous, but actually worked quite well. They also chose sparkly coloured card which I used to cut out the letters of their names - as I was clueless on the theme thing I decided to go 'neutral' in case ballerinas and tigers were a real no-no.

This year my work is greatly reduced as Orla is making her lantern at school. Hamish is interested in making a lantern as far as choosing the materials and giving the odd bit of art direction goes. He chose a black lantern frame with blue translucent paper, and green holographic sticky-backed paper. I was worried by my eh... creative limitations with the black on blue thing (I considered 'bruises' as a theme), but I decided on making it a dark sky with a green holographic forest and I am adding some foxes and a moon. Hamish heartily approves. Phew. I've started on it, but I have until next week to get it finished and I am bored of cutting out trees already.

Orla's Laternefest is this evening. Sadly, I don't think I can go as I already had plans for tonight. So Stevie will get to do his first Laternefest with Orla & Hamish. I was looking forward to it as well, especially after I did a double-take on the school newsletter which says "If the weather is kind the event will be held outside. There will be sausages and hot chocolate available after our lantern-lit walk through the woods. In order to cover the cost of the ponies we will have to ask for donations on the night.". Do you think we get one to keep? Or will we be eating horsey-sausages???

Links:
Info on St Martin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St._Martin%27s_Day)
Idee Laterne supplies (http://www.idee-shop.de/shop/index.php?page=vt_findologic&keywords=Laterne)
Songwords to 'Laterne, Laterne' - lower down they have the full song in both German & English (http://www.mamalisa.com/?p=444&t=es)

Boys In Tights - the Spiderman sequel

I wouldn't put my face so close to that, Spiderman.

Hamish meditating on his spidey-senses - Ka-chow!

Spidey-senses at the ready! September is apon us. And you know what that signals in the minds of all my German friends? Yup, it's the beginning of the 2011 Boys In Tights season. I've written about this curious German phenomenon before and how as soon as there's a teeny change in the weather all the mothers put their little boys in tights. September is the month that this starts, and this year I am going to embrace this funny trend and join them (though maybe I'll wait until it is a little colder).

I've also written about the way shopping works over here. Once things are gone, they're gone, and god help you if you miss your chance to buy something vital and seasonal. I was in H&M (looking for PE shorts) and noticed that there were practically no boys tights left. I had previously noted that they had some nice teal and grey stripey ones, but on the website all you can see are the Cars ones. My sister thinks you can't get these in the UK, but they have them on the UK version of the site too.

Anyway, what I did find were practically the best boys tights money can buy. I got them! I got them! These are the very same tights for boys that I saw last year on a boy in Kita. The Spiderman tights with the face on the bum! Hamish was completely and utterly OVER THE MOON! Seriously. Aside from the face on the bum, they have Spiderman shooting his web on each leg and little Spiderman faces on the top of the foot. I nearly cried when I noticed that all they had left were 2 pairs both age 1-2, but I opened one out and even without stretching they were long enough to fit Hamish this year.

I figure they will do him under trousers when it's cold out, but not so cold that he needs his snowsuit on. Though Hamish really wants to show them off (and who can blame him) so may insist on wearing either just the tights or tights under shorts (I may have to draw the line there).

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As a side note, a lot of people find my blog through Googling 'boys in tights'. I'm not sure if it's little boys in wooly tights that they're looking for or something a bit odder, perhaps in American Tan, but they sure do boost my daily stats up. Now be off with you, pervs! And don't darken this doorway again!! (.....Unless you're going to become a Follower.... in which case, come on in! Welcome!)

The very last day of Kita...

...is here at last.

Orla was over the moon. She's been waiting for this day to come for so long and now she's ready to start school. I SO hope 'big girl's school' is not a massive disappointment. But before she starts we've got our holiday to get through - it's looking a bit rainy down at the Bodensee; I've got to try my hardest not to get murdered by someone I've met on the internet (should you not hear from me for months, please send the police here and tell my mum she was right about the sorts of folk you meet on the internet).

We're taking the laptop with us, but I am going to try and not use the internet (oh, who am I kidding? Rainy evenings?).

In other news, I joined Google+ today. But so far I only have 1 friend. I like the idea of being able to divide people up into groups and only show certain groups certain things. I know you technically can do things like that on FB, but it's a bit of a faff. That's one reason why I don't post my blog through FB. Mostly I find strangers less critical about all the things I say about Stevie compared to his family :)

Sommerfest in the Kita

I am feeling monumentally tired today. I know in about half an hour I am going to have to drag myself round the supermarket with the kids in tow which is never a pleasant experience, and I think that might be making me feel all the tireder. Dread.

Yesterday, was also a big day. I cycled all morning looking for a Brio Wooden Thomas the Tank Engine for Hamish's birthday (no luck) and then we spent the afternoon at the park and then went to Kita for their annual Sommerfest. I haven't been to one of these before, but they seem to be very important in the young children's calendar. I am starting to see the phrase 'Sommerfest' appearing everywhere, and indeed we're going to another one next weekend at Orla's new school.

I'll be honest though: I wasn't really looking forward to going to it. In fact, I'd already lied when they put me on the spot and asked if I was coming. I couldn't find it in me to commit to an afternoon of tangled German conversations and politeness. I have my moments of being totally anti-social, but then I found out that Stevie would be home from work early and having someone else with me to help me through the boring awkward moments makes it manageable.

So I lied again and said the fictitious birthday party we were attending finished early and thus, hallelujah! here we were! And actually we had a good time. There were games for the kids: welly throwing, egg & spoon race, some other games that took place in locked rooms that neither me or the kids could work out what was really going on, and there were even some things for us adults too. My particular favourite was the Race with your child in a wheelbarrow. It seemed to bring out my competitive streak to the point where I even employed dirty tactics in order to secure a win - such as blocking my opponents path in order to gain a lead. I may not be proud of that but hey, I won some coloured pencils!

The kids mostly enjoyed being in the pen that was filled with hay and flinging it around. The theme incidentally was 'the farm' or 'farmyard'. Stevie didn't manage to work this out and wondered why they had washing lines (obviously belonging to the farmer's wife') with knickers hanging. He assumed it was just the teachers washing that they'd hung earlier in the day. (And after that housewarming party we went to, well, who can blame him for wondering about German knicker habits).

Stevie's favourite bit was checking out the staff photos. As you can see from the photo above he was particularly taken by Steffi who he said seemed to have "had her work Kita photo taken while out on the piss". "Still", he said, "at least she's bringing a little glamour to the place". So there was something(/one) for everyone to enjoy, and today we are all still enjoying the 6cm diameter green stamps of goats that we all have on our arms to prove we paid to get in. Oh I do hope mine stays on for a week! Its very sophisticated!

On not facing the problem head on..

Monday morning 10am. Orla should be at Kita, but she's not. We've had a weekend of crying in the night, bad dreams, talk of bad girls, and requests to go to 'English school, not Kita'.

If she doesn't want to go, then I'm not going to make her. It's made me wonder what I would do if she was to get bullied at school. Obviously I can't just take her out and we'd have to tackle it some other way, but while I can just take her away from a bad situation, then I will. Especially, when she's still so young, it doesn't seem fair to force her to have to not only deal with the bullying, but deal with it in a foreign language.

I'm looking forward to some me & Orla time. It feels like we don't often get to spend that much time when it's just me and her. Especially with Hamish only liking his mummy and not really wanting to spend any time with his daddy.

Today we started things off by heading to the shops to get Orla a pack of printer paper to draw and paint her way through (and we may get a few sheets to actually use in the printer), some necklace elastic to make beads, and we had a look in the Lego shop to see if there was anything good for Hamish's birthday. There was. He would happily have everything in the shop.

And then we went to a cafe. Orla was particularly impressed by the proper little cup for her Kinder Cappuccino. It made her feel grown up, and today, that's just what she needed.

I'm wondering though whether I should just let her have a break from Kita for a few days and then maybe take her back. The teachers have said that they'll keep an eye on things and stop any further bullying, and I wonder if she needs to see that, and not just have me remove her thus just avoiding facing it. It's very hard to know what is best. Especially when my feeling is that at her age you just don't need to have to deal with this crap and feel worried for days about returning.

Me & my crappy, heritage windows

Every room looks like this right now. The kids have been on a tired, destructive, mess-making, drawer-emptying rampage, and I am feeling angry!

And yes, that was Hamish you saw in the photo above lying sleeping in amongst all the mess

And to top it all off, I came back to my laptop to start this big moaning rant and found this. A banana stuck to the power cord. Is it bedtime yet?

Oh you should probably ignore me. I am having a bad few days. There are days when I utterly hate being a foreigner in a foreign land. More specifically, I suppose it's that I hate not being a fluent German speaker. In the past 3 days I have had a few things to deal with where it would really have been nice to be able to speak and understand fully what people are saying.

3 days ago we started having a bit of an argument with our landlord and his letting agent. This is the letting agent who started shouting at me because I wouldn't change my Disneyland trip to stay in for the painters because apparently these painters were only available on one day (in the whole year). I know, I know, it was terribly unreasonable of me, wasn't it? I am not sure I believed her reasoning, and if that was the case I would probably just get a different painter.

Since we returned and contacted the owner, he has been in touch and tried to imply that I am breaking the law, by impeding access to the painters (because I was on holiday, a holiday that I had previously told them I was going on so as to avoid these dates for our other plumbing problem). I am, according to Stevie, taking it all too personally, as I have decided I hate our landlord. He may be a diplomat, but he has all the moral conscience of, oh I don't know, a slug. I can't help but be annoyed by the fact that whatever goes wrong in this apartment he does whatever he can to blame me for it. Stevie of course is right: he says it just boils down to money. This is meant to be a relatively high-end apartment but the reality is that everything has either been done on the cheap or just not done at all.

We have opposing views on the windows that are either falling apart piece by piece, draughty, letting in water, dripping with condensation, freezing up on the inside over winter, allowing mould to grow on the walls surrounding the frames: he describes them as "heritage", I call them "crap". Anyway, it is apparently my neglect that has caused this to happen. According to the landlord, all Germans open their windows 5 times a day for 15 minutes to allow air to circulate. We had this discussion in December when it was -19c outside. I said it wasn't very practical with small children around who are inclined to want to throw themselves out the windows. I also find it hard to believe that this really needs to be done all the time. I have seen it of course, you always see apartments with open windows here no matter what the temperature is, but I am struggling to believe that we have far more advanced window technology in the UK that we don't have to do this.

And before you argue that in the UK most of us have double glazing and not 'heritage' windows (though, allow me to bitch, I know these windows have only been here since 1992 when the building was re-furbished), I even have mould growing on the walls surrounding one of the double glazed windows (though not both double glazed windows in that room). I was told that was my fault because I was drying a kids t-shirt on the radiator underneath and producing too much moisture. So my fault. But he didn't have an answer when I pointed out that if the moisture from a drying t-shirt was such a problem then why was it deemed reasonable (and not a problem) to have a shower-room in this bedroom and also the washing machine plumbing in this bedroom too. I guess the t-shirt just tipped the delicate balance.

Then we discovered that Orla is being bullied at Kita, and yesterday I went in to sort it out. As usual the Kita staff started off by telling me that I was wrong, but I stood firm, and told them that no, I was not wrong, and outlined what had been happening. Basically Orla has her best friend, Alicia, and there are two other girls who have started calling Orla names. For the past 2 weeks they have been telling her that she's not 4, she's only 1, and that she's small and therefore just a baby, and that sort of thing. It's been getting Orla down. But then they started telling her she had to stay away from Alicia because she was 'just a baby' and they have stopped her from playing with her. I asked her if there was anyone else she could play with, but because of these stupid mixed age group classes they have here, there's not. The girls only want to play with the girls, and the older girls don't want to play with the younger girls and so Orla is stuck with only having these 3 girls to play with. Let's just say, I found it really hard to describe all of this to her teacher in German, and then to argue that it was actually happening.

Today my Slovakian washing machine which I was trusting to at least get me through the next 2 years, came up with an error code and flashing lights. I tried phoning the UK helpline, then the UK head office then emailing Finland, then emailing Denmark, and I have got nowhere. So it seems I am going to have to bite the bullet and phone the German number and try and get this sorted. I can't begin to tell you how much I avoid making phone calls in German. I hate it. Well, actually I think the route I went on to get some help above tells you a little of what I am prepared to do in order to avoid German phone calls.

Ugh. I think I'd like to just go to my bed now. Even that banana stuck to my laptop is depressing me. Go on, tell me to cheer up and get on with it.

"Everyone's going to tell me I'm so beautiful!"

Throwing some witchy shapes

Im Shrank, not wanting to go home

It was Karnival day today at Kita to celebrate Fasching. Orla has been super excited by this for about a week. And for once Hamish actually wanted to go to Kita. But I think he thought we were all going to party together. His first disappointment was that I didn't get dressed up as a tiger or a baby jaguar this morning, and his second was when he found out our contribution to the buffet was to be 3 jars of olives, and not three massive bags of Smarties.

Orla was over the moon to be heading out into the streets of Berlin dressed as a witch. I was totally behind her when she exclaimed joyously "Everyone's going to tell me I'm so beautiful!". Indeed they are, my love, and then they're probably going to ask why you've not got any 'Handschuhe' on seeing as it's still a bit parky out.

Hamish decided that he would fox everybody and go as Iggle Piggle from In The Night Garden. It was that or a spider, and I think it's just as well the spider costume didn't win as it's both completely synthetic and padded thus making for a super-sweaty Hamish - though perhaps better for the German weather outdoors.

Only one boy from Guana knew who Hamish was. The teacher asked Hamish to sit on her knee and tell her all about his costume. But I doubt even I could describe what happens in In The Night Garden in German especially that whole weird thing they have going on with the scale of everything.

Anyway, they both had loads of fun and when I came to collect them they locked themselves "im Shrank" because they wanted to stay longer. The most successful day at Kita I think we've had, I'd say! If only every day could be a party.

Booking a guilt-trip through Easyjet

How can mothers make you feel guilty so easily? It's a life skill I really must learn.... probably should ask my mum, really.

I phoned her the other night and happened to mention that I was planning a trip back to Derby in April. Just Friday evening until Sunday lunchtime - nothing excessive. But of course I mentioned also that I am going without the kids. Not good, in my mother's opinion. According to her it would be wrong to "leave the children in a foreign country" (eh, with their father). She would "feel terribly funny" doing such a thing, and says she never left me and my sister ever.

I'm not entirely sure I believe that. I must check with my sister, but I do remember there were always 'dinner dances' throughout my childhood, and when I say I remember them, I don't mean because I recall my sister and I looking lovely in our long dresses sipping cocktails by the bar.

The reason I gave for going on my own is that I feel like I just want/need some time on my own. And also because if I took them we'd be sleeping in one room together, and to date my children have never been able to sleep in the same room, so I'd be awake most of the night and then I'd be even more shattered than usual and it wouldn't really be a break at all.

I had the option of going back last week when Stevie was heading back for a couple of days with work. But he was staying in a hotel, and we were going to be staying with a friend, and I weighed up no sleep plus constantly worrying about my children ruining this friend's child-free lovely house, and I just thought it wasn't worth it.

I don't think I lead a necessarily 'typical' life. I am never without the kids. I am a full-time mum in the fullest sense of the word. I live in another country from my family and even when I lived in the UK, I've always lived far away from them. So it's not like I'm working full-time and my only quality time with them is at the weekend and early evening, and it's not like I can drop the kids off at their granny's when I fancy going to the shops or have a doctors appointment. Nope, everywhere I go, they go. So I find it pretty unrelenting. Gruelling even at times.

In fact last night is the first time I have ever used a babysitter. Apart from once when I went to a wedding and they stayed at their granny's house. But with this trip, I feel like I am being perceived as doing the wrong thing and well, definetly it's like I am being really selfish. But really, am I? Doesn't everyone need a little time to themselves?

Of course my mother is somewhat fickle. Recently she (ok well, maybe not just recently. She has always thought it was wrong for me to put the kids in nursery, but recently) she has been saying that it's not really fair to have Hamish in Kita as he doesn't like it, and how my sister and I never wanted to go so she didn't send us. Of course I don't like that he's hating going but I need to learn German and so if we have any problem when I finish my course then I'll take him out. My mum has suggested that I maybe just do the evening course, but then you learn very little at any great speed and really, with hospital appointments and other things of importance I really feel like I need to know what's being said and so it's important that I learn as quickly as I can.


I don't think she agrees. I can tell she's thinking "JUST CHUCK IT!", and I too have my moments of thinking maybe I should. But then the next time I speak to my mum she'll have done a complete u-turn and will say that she thinks it would be a very good idea if I stick at my German and do the exams at B2 level because then that gives me further career options when I return to the UK as maybe I could "teach German to retired folk". Well, that's only another 24 weeks away, and while I would like to do it, in all honesty teaching German to retired folk is lingering somewhere around fairground ride attendant in my list of career aspirations.

So I can't win. And selfish old me is still planning to get on a plane alone and see her friends. Feel free to side with my mother and share your criticisms below. Go on, I'd enjoy it!

Timing is... everything

I've had a 'What am I doing here?' morning. Sometimes something will happen and I'll just suddenly find myself wondering why on earth I am bothering to put myself though this. Of course I know the answer, it's not the obvious question I'm asking myself.

This morning we arrived at Kita and had just gone to wait for the lift, when another little boy arrived with his grandmother. There were other parents and kids there too, but this little boy came up to Hamish and hit him. And I just couldn't think of what to say in German straight away, and then the moment passed and by the time I had formulated the words in my head it felt like it was too late.

The grandmother had already had a talk to the little boy, but I felt like there should have been an apology to Hamish at least. I wanted to say "Hold on a minute!", and I could have said "Woah! Ein Minuten bitte!" but all I could think of was 'I don't know the verb for 'to hold' and that got in the way of thinking of simpler alternatives. I felt so frustrated and angry with myself, and it left me feeling totally downhearted for the rest of the morning.

I hate not being able to express myself properly, and instead of saying what I want to say, constantly having to think of simpler ways of expressing myself. But to be honest I haven't really had any moments before this where I've really needed to say something and the timing has mattered. That seems to be the thing that has left me feeling most frustrated and wishing I was just back 'home' telling random people exactly what I thought of them.

Except I don't really do that. In fact after being sat in German class I spoke to Stevie and told him how I was feeling and he said "But did you tell Hamish just to hit him back?". Well, apart from the fact that I don't want my kids hitting other kids, it did cross my mind, but I thought to myself "Crap, I can't even say that because I bet one of these other parents speaks English and they'll know what I'm saying and then I'll seem like the bad mummy". So I stayed frustrated with my muteness.

Well I did until I got upstairs, and then in front of this grandmother I told Hamish's teacher that this boy had hit him and pointed at the culprit and asked if they could keep an eye on things as I wouldn't like to think that this might be another reason why Hamish is hating Kita. But even that didn't shake my gloom, and normally being really obvious like that would cancel out my earlier frustration and amuse me back into a normal state of happiness.

My German is annoying me at the moment. I know the more I do and the longer I stay on the course, the better my German will get and the better equipped I'll be to respond to people the way I want. But at the same time I am feeling like I don't have enough time to properly go over what I have learnt and as new stuff goes in, some of the old stuff is just leaking straight back out again. After this morning and thinking, 'I should be able to deal with a situation like that: I've been learning German for 14 weeks!' I can't help but think 'What is the point?'. But it could also be that we've just been doing endless grammar and I'm feeling my vocabulary isn't getting any better. Who knows. I'm booked on until April. So I have time to decide if I want to go further at that point or whether I want to have a break from it for a bit.

Potty training: Smartie incentive scheme

"And it was fun, fun, fun, till his mummy took the Smarties away."

A while ago I mentioned that I was letting Hamish potty train himself. The reasons for this are twofold: (a) At Kita with a ratio of 1 staff member to approx 10+ kids I'm guessing Hamish wouldn't get the help he might need to get to the toilet on time, so I'd need to send him in with an extra 10 pairs of trousers and pants every day; (b) I'm lazy and don't feel any pressure whatsoever to have him potty trained by a certain age here. At home people would probably be starting to talk. Certainly with Orla as soon as she turned 18 months, doctors, nurses, and health visitors were saying "Is she not potty trained yet?". I thought it was far too soon, and she wasn't ready, and frankly I have far nicer things to do than to be washing knickers and other garments non-stop.

But, I'm starting to think I should get a shifty on with Hamish. He's completely perfected using the potty when he is nappy free, and given that he's now in the full throes of casting off his clothes at every given moment, that's pretty much all the time when he's not at Kita.

His stumbling point is that when he's wearing pants he tends to think they'll act just like a nappy. Every time. So today I tried a new tactic. Bribery. With escalating incentives. (I should be in sales, honestly).

He was happily running around naked and then at one point said his bum was cold, so I suggested that he might want to try out his new Disney 'Cars' pants. Surprisingly he agreed and I told him that if he remembered to take them down when he needed a wee-wee and go on the potty he'd get a Smartie. Then if he remembered again the next time, he'd get 2... and so on. So straight away the pants were down and he produced a wee-wee. Bingo. So I reminded him of the Smartie incentive scheme and this afternoon he was never off the potty.

Hamish likes to drink a lot anyway, but he really forced himself to take on liquid today. I hadn't bargained on that. For the first hour I felt I was never done cleaning out the potty, and I ended up having to cap the limit on Smarties when we reached 4. Then I brought it down to 2 and he didn't really complain. I feel like I am actually a genius.

I just have to teach him that he can just drop the pants round his ankles, rather than completely remove them and really I need to teach him how to put them on again. Every time he tried on his own he ended up with both legs through the same leg-hole and was wearing them in a kind of bum-bag style round his waist. It's a look that works for him, but unless I actually stop being lazy & train him, he could still be wearing them like that when he starts school.

1. organise, 2. prioritise, 3. & get off that bloody internet!

Of course I do the nice things first, and leave the actual important things till last

I feel so way behind on everything at the moment. It's driving me crazy. All I want is to have a few extra hours every day to just get things done. I read lots of blogs (particularly the creative ones) where people seem to be able to do a million things a day, every day and I'm not sure why this kind of beautiful life evades me. How do people have time to blog, knit a dress, go thrifting, take some time out to photograph a friends new baby, spend some time in their studio painting gorgeous pictures, and take photographs of their enviable homes, etc, etc, and yet I am struggling to find the time each day to phone the tax office and stay in a queue for 20 minutes?

Perhaps it's because I spend too much time reading these blogs? I do hope that's not the answer.

So I have a long list of things that all need doing now, some of them nice things like design work and making a photobook for both my mother-in-law and mum (see above), and some of them ok things like completing Orla's school application, and some tedious but necessary things, like reapplying for Orla's Kita voucher as she gets it free now, and possibly going to the Burgeramt to wait for 2 hours to get a form stamped for the tax office.

Of course on top of these things I have my general day to day stuff to do, tidying up, cleaning, cooking, helping people pee in toilets and potties, stopping people breaking legs from jumping off the table and from scaring the living daylights out of their sister by locking her in our wardrobe. Oh and German. My German needs quite a bit of attention and when I do have the time to study, I generally have no desire to do that.

Anyway, I just can't fathom how to fit more into my days. There must be blogs I could be reading about this... (and that is a little bit of irony right there).

Germans shoot from the hip

My mind is still pounding away thinking about Hamish and his unhappiness at Kita. This morning was hellish again, with him screaming "I don't want to go to school" all the way from the front door to the U-Bahn, with a brief respite for train happiness, then back to the screaming at the other end.

I spoke to one of his 'teachers' today and they said that things are a little better, and he is a little happier. I don't know about you though, but I NEVER trust the things that nursery workers say. I base this on my first experiences with Orla's nursery in Derby, when I would ask, "How was she today?" and they'd always say "Yeah, she was great. She ate all her lunch, blah, blah, blah". I could always stop listening after that point because I knew that it was all made up. The only way Orla would eat all her lunch is if they were only feeding her cake soup, followed by cake, with a little cake for afters. I've always found that I just get an "everything was fine" response.

Why do we do that? Why when asked how things are, or how we are, do we always say "fine"? Ok, so maybe we don't want to always be moaning "Ah, well actually, my piles are giving me gip. Do you want a look?".

In Germany though I find things a bit different. This afternoon we got back into our building and met one of neighbours who lives a couple of floors down from us. She asked how things were going, and I told her things weren't going that brilliantly for Hamish at the moment. She asked what was going on and I told her and said "You've probably heard him screaming from the lift in the morning!". And she said "Yes, I've heard him in the mornings.". In Britain I reckon most times your neighbours would say "Oh no, no, no, I haven't heard him" even when they have because it's unavoidable, but here they just tell you in a nice straightforward manner. The same if you are making too much noise, playing your music too loud, or not doing your recycling right, they just tell you. There's none of this keeping quiet and having a good moan behind closed doors and then if the subject comes up pretending they know nothing.

So maybe things are going a little better for Hamish. They think he's having problems with the language, and that he doesn't like it when he doesn't understand when they are giving instructions to the whole group and he doesn't know what to do. I understand that, but I'm not sure what I can do about it. They think it'll improve in a few months when his language skills get better, but a few months is a very long time in an unhappy toddlers world. I am going to find me some books...or maybe an English speaking Kita.

What your toddler may be doing now:

Following on from my last post, Mwa suggested I find a book to resolve my Hamish-hating-Kita problem. I cannot remember the last time I looked in a baby/child development book. The pages of my 'toddler' ones have barely been opened. I used to really love these books, especially after having Orla and you could see what she might be up to in the forthcoming months and think what a smart baby she was when she was doing things advanced for her age and curse her for not being able to do half the things she should be able to do for her age.

Before the move I got rid of all my baby ones and on checking just now I have found 3 'toddler' ones: What to Expect: the toddler years; The Best Friends Guide to toddlers; and god knows how, but 'The Contented Toddler Years' by Gina Ford. (I must have been having a really bad day with Orla when I bought that. In fact when I flick it to see where it wants most to open (cause it looks pretty much untouched) I see what was going on...'sleep problems'. Desperate times and all that.

So, back to my Hamish problem. According to 'What to Expect' my 30 month old toddler should be able to put on an article of clothing, identify 1 picture by naming, jump up, name 6 body parts, and identify 4 pictures by pointing. I think we have pretty much got those covered except perhaps the jumping part. Hamish is dreadful at jumping. Problem-wise, the best I can see that they have is 'Separation Anxiety at Preschool'. They suggest that the transition between home and school can be tough for a toddler and it can take some children up to a year to get used to it. Eek.They suggest that if your childs separation anxiety is 'unexplained' to read another passage at the back of the book. There's talk there of "unexplained bruises and other signs of abuse". This does not make for good pre-bedtime reading for someone like myself.

On to 'the Best Friends Guide'- I've always liked these books. They're humourous and make you feel ok about being generally crap at parenting. On this occasion it has precisely.. eh, no advice to give on my Hamish situation. Ah well, can't have everything.

Lastly, let's see what Gina has to say: "a firm goodbye, a kiss and a hug, follwed by a prompt departure is easiest for a child to deal with". She also says "Some children develop a fear of certain people and places... . Role playing can be an effective and fun way of helping them conquer these fears.... . Read him books that involve happy stories of a child visiting [Kita]". At least her approach is consistent. I will try a firm goodbye tomorrow and advise Hamish to keep a stiff upper lip even if his bottom one is wobbling. Wish me luck!

'hamisch' Hamish

Do you believe in karma? Today was Hamish's first day back at Kita after quite an extended break with a week-long illness following on from Christmas and New Year. To say he hasn't been looking forward to his return is an understatement. To say I haven't been looking forward to dropping him off and seeing him cry and wail, and scream and cling to my leg, and beg to go home with me is also an understatement. So much so that really he could have gone back at the end of last week, but I just couldn't face it.

But there was no more putting it off. This morning we just had to do it, through gritted teeth and false smiles. The whinging started not long after we left the house, quietened for a while on the U-bahn, especially after the driver waved at him (do they know that they are complete superstars in the eyes of toddlers (along with postmen)?). As soon as we reached the vicinity of the building he started screaming and built up to a nice crescendo by the time we reached the 4th floor. Cue: more wailing, screaming, leg-clinging, & begging.

The only reason I was able to drag myself away without him was because I had to go to German class. I've already missed a week and was dreading my return and the insurmountable catch-up that I'd need to do. Anyway German class turned out to be fine, and I returned to pick up the kids afterwards. Hamish had in his own words "cried for a long time", and according to the staff this was correct and he hadn't played with anyone, just on his own, and wouldn't eat his lunch (never a good sign in a boy like Hamish). Talk about feeling guilty about leaving him somewhere that he wasn't happy? Yuck. I hate it.

So we went down to collect Orla from the 2nd floor, and as we always have a wait until she has finished lunch, brushed teeth, washed hands, etc etc, I took the opportunity to go to the toilet, taking Hamish with me to keep him out of trouble. Though it turned out that that is exactly what he was planning. My head was full of thoughts about whether I'd need to look for another Kita-solution for Hamish, or whether this might be temporary, although he's felt more or less this way since before Christmas. Anyway, my eye just wasn't on the ball.

No sooner had I started peeing when there were people trying to break the door down and shouting German 'stuff' through the door. Quick as a flash the door was opened on me (still peeing) and there are the Kita Manager and the handy man. It was only at this point that I realised that the very quiet (and I mean REALLY quiet) buzzing noise was Hamish pressing the emergency call button repeatedly. Crap. I'd say he got his own back on me for leaving him there.

BTW: My teacher told me before Christmas that 'hamisch' means 'malicious' in German. Wunderbar!

Once you're there you'll love it.

Waiting on the now 20 cents dearer U-bahn, which I know about because I have started reading a local newspaper which from what I can tell is written for thick-witted folk with a reading age of 4. I figured I might as well start, seeing as I am in their ideal demographic. Lots of photos of outraged travellers holding aloft their tickets in case you hadn't grasped the story from the 6cm high headline font, and some thrilling leg amputation news for celeb-lovers.

The kids are finally starting to feel better, and today Orla felt well enough to go back to Kita. Hamish on the other hand doesn't really fancy it that much any more. I knew it was going to be hard getting him to go back after the holiday break, but it's going to be more of a struggle than I thought. I was going to be strong today and pack them both off and do my best not to succumb to the heart-wrenching wails of "I just want to stay with yooooouuuu!".

But as soon as Hamish's little bottom lip started wobbling, that was it for me. It doesn't matter that as soon as I go "oh, ok then" he starts singing a little happy song, once he's broken me, that's it. I'm weak.

The other problem is that the longer he stays away from Kita the less he'll want to go back. I know the feeling. I am dreading going back to German class. I feel like I have forgotten most of the German I learnt before the break and now missing a week (nearly) has me worried that it'll take me eons to catch up, and I kind of feel like I just don't want to. Even though really I do want to because I really would like to get to B2 level which is another 28 weeks away to completion. And then I think, why do I want to do this? Apart from wanting to be able to communicate better I really would like to get to the point of sitting the B2 level exam which if I passed would be good enough to allow me to work in Germany.

Not that I want to do that. I just want to achieve that. I'd be quite happy just setting up my freelance career again and getting back into illustration. And for that, I don't need that level of German, or any level of German really. (that's my argument and while I'm in this huff with German, I'm sticking to it.)

It surprised me how quickly I got out of the habit of speaking German once I got back to Scotland. Apart from the occasional "Danke schon! Schonen Tag!" (Sorry I cannot do umlauts on this keyboard) that slipped out without thinking in the shops (which would be fine if they hadn't already heard me speaking English in a fine local accent), it just slipped away.

Now I'm back where I was a couple of months ago, where I really just can't be b o t h e r e d! So really it's me who needs to drag myself kicking and screaming back to German class whether I like it or not.

Christmas in its component parts

I have 3 sodding bags of Playmobil requiring my attention. Literally sodding. I decided I should start getting ready for Christmas whenever I have a chance in the evening as otherwise I'll run out of time. Amongst other things I have got the kids, I have managed to buy them a whole load of second hand Playmobil.

Hamish was desperate for the zoo and I was lucky enough to find it in the second hand shop round the corner from my language school, along with extra elephants and brand new in box pandas.

Orla was throwing desirous glances at the princesses sets, and I managed to get a small/medium set of that at a great price. And they both rather fancied the farm, and lo and behold the very next day after buying the zoo they had a box of farm bits and bobs with the largest herd of cattle imaginable. Well there're about 12, I'm sure you can imagine more, but you get the picture.

I also walked past another second hand shop in Charlottenburg one Sunday and spied what I thought might be a massive selection of zoo animals. So when Hamish was off Kita with the sick bug (but in recovery) I walked 3 miles there and 3 miles back, and all just for a family of polar bears and a camel.

My German teacher recommended washing it in the washing machine on a 30 degree wash, and that is what I have done. I have 3 bags which have zip closings and are washable and I stuffed them each full of Playmobil last night and washed them today.

The result is handbags full of Playmobil chaos. Everything has come apart. Down to all the little flowers coming off the princess garden foliage (I kind of expected that), but I also have a camel missing a leg and anything that can be broken down into smaller parts is in smaller parts. It took us ages to make up the zoo and we broke it back down into more manageable sizes for washing, but I can see I have many hours work ahead of me.

My green fingered son

My neighbours will be the people with green and blue stains around their mouths until the days they die.

I thought it would be a nice thing to do to make Christmas biscuits with the kids and give them as a little thankyou gift to our upstairs neighbour in thanks for the Dec. 6th gifts she gave the kids. Especially as I wanted to experiment with these pre-made biscuit mix things that I've seen loads of in the fridges of the supermarkets.

We had great fun this afternoon with cutters and the kids could quite happily have made biscuits all afternoon. Hamish's were a little more rustic in style compared to Orla's. Then we baked them, let them cool, and I unleashed the coloured writing icing.

By the time we got to the icing stage the kids had started stripping off. Orla managed to keep her t-shirt on, but Hamish prefers to decorate in the nude. It wasn't until right at the end i.e. the icing was all finished, that Hamish moved from decorating biscuits to colouring in his tummy. Then when I went to get him cleaned up it was nice to discover that in fact it was more like food colouring than just icing. If Kita ask I'm going to tell them it's vegetables that have stained his fingers and stomach. Excessive broccoli ingestion.

Laterne Fest - it's a German thing for competitive mummies

Today is Laterne Fest, or Lantern Fest which celebrates St Martin's Day. All I know about St. Martin is that he has an art college in London. The basic gist of it is that children (or their mothers) make a lantern and it is lit by a wonderful little bulb on a stick that runs on batteries. You are meant to go on a lantern walk with all the children from the Kita and then there is singing round the bonfire and eating and drinking. Oodles of fun, and shedloads of pumpkin soup that I had to eat cause the kids thought it was "yuck".

I had 24 hours notice that Orla needed a lantern to take part. This is 4 years of Industrial Design condensed into cardboard and sparkly paper. Don't think I didn't notice the envious glances! Pff!