Thursday 16 February 2012

The sad repatriate goes a-walking


The Bierpinzel in Steglitz, Berlin. Just because it cheers me up.


This not knowing whether we are staying or going thing is really putting a dampner on my blogging. It's all I can think about. Well, not all, but it's taking up far too much of my thoughts. It's a difficult subject to  talk about too. My Berlin friends all think we should just stay, and most haven't had to consider a return move (yet), and as I have been talking to my Derby friends about how I feel about the whole thing, I've found it's difficult to really tell them how I feel about the whole thing.

I would love to see inside this place, but it's been closed for quite a long time.
I am not entirely sure that it's not insulting in some way to hear that I just don't really want to come back to Derby. Certainly, the pause that I hear after I say that seems to indicate surprise at the very least. Of course I don't mean it to be insulting; what I am certainly not saying is that I don't want to see my friends again, or that Derby is necessarily a crappy place to live (even if I secretly think that), but I think that's how it's being perceived. It's hard to explain to my friends why I find Berlin far more enjoyable a place to live compared to Derby without it sounding like a total put-down. I start to explain the benefits to living here, but to people who would never consider a move here or perhaps even a move out of Derby, it's almost met with silence.

I have this horrible feeling that when we do return (which is more than likely), I am going to feel more than a little alone. For I have an inkling that I am not going to feel comfortable sharing my real feelings with my friends. If I think about my list of positive things about moving back to Derby, even I am ashamed by it. It's embarrassing.

1. English. Everyone speaks it. Won't that be lovely?
2. The shops. Endless things and all at amazing prices compared to Berlin.
3. .......eh.....

Awful, eh? I'm not counting the closer proximity to friends & family, because I will probably see my family just the same amount as I have done here, and while I will gain my UK friends, I will lose my Germany-based friends.


I've been talking and emailing a few friends who have been through this and they have all found it quite hard to settle back in to UK life. I know what to expect, and I am planning on launching myself into a few projects as soon as I return to try and meet new people and offset some of the sadness I think I am going to feel.

Still, if anyone can think of anything brilliant about my impending move back to the UK,  that I have missed  please let me know. I could use a few more things on that list. Everyone else I know has returned mentions the Peak District. God help me, I never set foot in it before, it's not really my bag, but if that's all there is then I guess I'll need to get me some walking boots & get out there. By the sounds of it the place must be jumping with sad repatriates, so maybe that's a good way to meet like-minded people!

16 comments:

  1. Mep. Sorry to hear it's got you so down! When will you find out one way or another again? The thought of repatriation scares me too. I've never been to Derby, so I can't help much with that list of positives of yours, but I'll be sending happy thoughts in your direction...

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    1. Thankyou, I am also sending happy (birthing) thoughts your way! We are hoping that we will know by the end of this month. We need to give our tenants two months notice. I wonder if I am actually feeling less sad about returning to Derby and more about leaving Berlin where I think I have been happier in the past 18 months than anywhere else I have lived in a long time.

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  2. Have you ever heard of the phrase 'reverse culture shock'? It's what expats go through when they move back to their country of origin after years of living somewhere else. I imagine it will be very hard on you all for the first few months (or longer?) settling in but eventually it should get easier!

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    1. Ah yes, repatriation shock. I have been reading up on this and in part maybe that's not helped! I am now *expecting* to feel sad and like a fish out of water. (Could I kid myself and say maybe I wouldn't??) They say it takes 3 times as long to adjust on your return as it does to go out to a foreign land in the first place. Eek!

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  3. Living in Derby and reading your blog i'm not at all suprised you don't want to come back. You seem to be doing so much more than you could be doing here.... Soft play, moorways pool - not that appealing. And I reckon your friends will understand. Hope you get what you want, good luck.

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    1. Ah Sally! I'll need to come round and cry on your shoulder, ha, ha! It's probably not going to be as bad as I think. I forget that sometimes what makes a place is the friends that you have. (...But another year here would be nice :-))

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  4. Does it have to be Derby? Scotland's quite nice - we even speak English here too...

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    1. Ho, ho! Now much as I love Scotland, Stevie has ruled it out as a place to live. He struggles with the weather. I struggle more with the massive amount of junkies there are on Ayr High Street every time I go *home*. That really gets me down. There seems to have been a massive increase in the past 2 years. I'll be honest, I have no idea whether this is what's happening across the whole of the UK, but it's a very sad sight to see.

      I always promised myself that I'd like to retire in the Borders, I will always love it there, but for now we need to be where Stevie's job is, so Derby it is!

      P.S. Can I just say that I LOVE that you are now part of the Scottish "we"!

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  5. Umm, one positive is that you will have friends in Berlin that you can come and visit for holidays....

    But I do understand. Whenever we tell people that England is on the list of countries we wouldn't choose to be relocated to, they are horrified.
    Even if 5 minutes earlier they were telling about how awful living in England was.
    Apparently we loose our right to criticize once we leave the country.

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    1. Yes, that's true. There are lots of people to visit!

      But yeah, it is true that you lose the right to criticise. For people who live in a place, be it town, city, or country, it can be insulting. It's dead easy to come across as thinking you are 'superior' when you say you don't relish moving back to the place in which they live. I worry that that's how I have seemed on the phone. I'm not sure even if as a Scot living in England I could ever have comfortably said to any of my Derby-born-and-bred friends "This place is crap". I'm an outsider. I chose to live there for love, and work, and really if it's that crap then I can move out. It used to anger me listening to foreign RR employees saying "Ugh, I don't like England at all" when I lived in Derby. My first thought was always "Well, you chose to live here. If you don't like it, then move".

      I shall hope for the best and keep my mouth shut I think ;-D

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  6. I actually quite like London. And Edinburgh is quite nice. Glasgow too. Some of other UK cities are fine, as commuter suburbs. The issue, for me (and perhaps you) is not Berlin per se. Because Manhattan is pretty darned thrilling. But Berlin is a world class city (with incredibly bad weather) at village prices. My husband misses our 20 acres and chopping trees in upstate NY. We both miss Manhattan, but can't afford family size quality of life there. Berlin (except for the landscape and weather) has been a pretty decent substitute. Perhaps you just like big city life? There's a lot (except affording housing) to be said for it.

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    1. No, no, no! I honestly think the weather here is FANTASTIC! Seriously, you have to have appreciated Scottish weather to realise just how brilliant the weather is here. It's no use to come here from a better climate.

      And yes, yes, yes! I do love big city living! Stevie always was the one who wanted to try it and occasionally toyed (in our pre-kid days) with buying an apartment in Derby city centre. But, Derby city centre is not (nor could anyone pretend) akin to what most people have in their mind when they think of "city living". I think it might not even be the big city thing though, I think I might now be addicted to the adventure of living in a new place. Even when I lived in the UK, I liked to move house every two years even within Derby. I do love moving house!

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  7. Gosh. As much as we've known eachother for a relatively short length of time, I had a horrible pang of sadness reading this. Unfortunately, as one of your 'Berlin friends', I'm afraid I'm going to side with the others of my type and say BERLINISBETTERDONTGOOOO!!!!
    However, you will enjoy being back: PRIMARK, TESCO, cheap kids clothes and knowing where the feck to buy a pot of turpentine at 6pm on a Saturday evening. You know, 'that' kind of thing.
    Oh yeah, do the people in Derbyshire call you 'duck' cause that's also a really good reason to return!
    Erm... and smalltalk at the bus stop, knowing what people are saying to you, not being lectured when your kid's not wearing a hat when it's 15 degrees outside.

    We'll miss you but I've always wanted to make a trip to Derby :-D

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    1. Bauhaus. it's open until 8pm, so that's your Saturday night Turps fix solved. And I know YOU KNOW that Primark is coming to Berlin in the very near future, so these reasons are falling on deaf ears! Tesco, well let me think, is Cheb in the Czech Republic our closest? They deliver as far as Hamburg though I think from the UK.

      And yes, they do call people 'duck' but you get that more in Nottingham so that doesn't count. Oh we'll see what happens, eh? I will miss you too! At least until 10am tomorrow morning when I next see you...

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  8. Ha! I knew I had seen that picture before... this is quite close to where I was staying this weekend. We came out of the U-Bahn and I said, "I know that crazy colorful thing from somewhere... but where!?" Random.

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    1. Really? You were in Steglitz? Bizarre. When I sent you a text o Monday Hamish & I were in Steglitz at Broken English, the British shop. It's the Bierpinsel by the way. I think it started out as a restaurant and later became a disco, and it's been shut for a couple of years now. Pity, cause it's awesome!

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