Thursday, 1 December 2011

But most of all, I don't want this...

I just read on a blog about a gift giving service called which uses your Facebook eh...'stuff ' to select presents for your friends and family... or yourself.

Sounds like my idea of fun! So I went on the site and allowed it access to all my details and ran myself through their ginormous computing might to see what the perfect gifts for me would be. After all, we need to test it's accuracy, right?

I have the feeling that status updates and comments on other people's statuses are not probably that indicative of the kind of gifts that you like. Unless of course each day your staus is something like "Today I would like a Kitchenaid mixer in ice blue".

Alas, I seem to talk about messenger pigeons quite a bit. I don't know why either, but there you go, I'm complex like that. But let me tell you what came up with for me. Before you go getting your credit card out and asking for my delivery address, here's what I don't want.

Dear Santa,
I really would be quite saddened if you were to 'make' me:

This book: 'Pigeons: The Fascinating Saga of the World's Most Revered and Reviled Bird' (I'm swithering on this, it could be a good read couldn't it? Actually having just looked at it on Amazon, it get's fantastic reviews - I shall post an excerpt of one review below)
Mermaid Songs (I have never heard mermaid songs, but I am 100% sure they would make my ears bleed)
Kushion Kraft Void Filling Paper (though it would be handy for packing the boxes I have to ship back after Christmas, but hey let's save that special one for Stevie to get me)
A Somalian 10 shillings rope edged coin on an 18" chain (honestly save the US delivery charges - they have this kind of crap in the Argos catalogue, and I would have a better chance of returning it)
4, yes 4, commercial sausage stuffers (Honestly how much sausage chat do I do???)
Palm Tree Crystal Necklace in Monkey with Banana Gift Box (I know it has crystals on it, but that's still not selling it to me)
A Huntingdon Snubber Hard - I don't know what that even is, but if you want to send me the $92 I will definitely, probably not, order this for myself. Sadly the link to buy it doesn't work.

But most of all, what could possibly make you think that I would ever want
a Solid Brass Rodent Jaw?

I wouldn't say no to the 48 Cadbury's Creme Eggs though. That would make up for having to send back all that other guff.

Need I say, this is not a sponsored post?

Excerpt from one Amazon review on the Pigeon book:
"Though I must also confess that the revolting chapter related to the gutting and lung-ing of squabs elicited a whole series of voluminous UGHS! and BLECHS! The mental picture you provided was gruesome enough to force me to consider going totally vegan.

The man who wrote his doctoral thesis on spider hearing was intriguing, can you write his biography too? 

And you also left me wanting to know more about the man who wrapped himself in tinfoil to keep himself warm. Sally Bananas was fascinating and I was riveted by the chapter devoted to Mike Tyson. Despite never meeting him you captured something NO ONE has ever done before... You showed his subtle and poignant humanity and made me wish the whole world could know him THAT way. "

Sounds like a fun read, huh? I might suggest it to my book group.


  1. After reading this, I just had to try it out. My top gift choices were a book ends that are look like half-jars, a tomato strainer (???), a Texas Longhorn cap, and a set of NBA trading cards. Totally unnecessary items, but it was fun to look!

  2. You do look like a girl who strains a lot of tomatoes currently in a difficult way. Am I wrong Jan? Wouldn't a tomato strainer make life easier? You could flick through your NBA trading cards while the tomato strainer took the, strain.

    Mrs Dietz, I tried to run you through the machine of presentry joy, but it was having none of it. Apparently you don't compute. But I'll get you a copy of the pigeon annual for girls 2012 when I get mine. I think it comes with recipes....

  3. Actually, on second thought, I do seem to collect fun-looking, but useless kitchen items...maybe this website knows me better than I thought!

  4. My top gift idea was this I have no idea what the hell that is, let alone know what it is I have written on Facebook for it to suggest I would be ecstatic to receive it.

    Its suggestion for "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Starting and Running a Winery" on the other hand...

  5. I thought of you this morning when I read this comic:

    On a completely un-related note, are you interested in this year's WEBMU? It's a toss-up between Berlin and Münster. has more info.

    1. Hello! I can't imagine why that made you think of me! ;-)

      And yes, I am interested, but I haven't done anything about it as I thought we might be moving back to the UK - but we're not -YET!


You're not going to leave without saying something, are you?

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...