I am in dire need of sleep (I think). I nearly crashed the car this afternoon on the way back from a farm. Kids, animals, slides, swings. It's becoming an increasingly frequent cocktail in our social life. Anyway, the car is making a funny noise and shuddering in a slightly worrying way. It's been doing this since yesterday, so it's not like I was distracted by it. But on the way back I was just thinking about it, and wondering about what bit might have gone wrong, and whether we would get the cat replaced, and whether if we did that 'engine management system' message would finally disappear, and whether the car would conk out if Stevie drove it to Berlin, and how I'd be concerned about it making it to Belper at the moment never mind Berlin and all of a sudden I was vearing off to the left towards the verge and Stevie was adjusting the steering wheel. Daydreaming or half way to falling asleep?
I'm struggling these days to know if I am tired or not. I have a secret belief that there is a possibility that I could probably sleep for about 48 hours straight if I was just left alone. I just never get a chance. Orla wakes me up in the middle of the night to let me know she has done a wee wee in the potty and Hamish has various calls to me to let me know he has lost his dummy, needs his mummy, wants juice, or just wants up. We decided to try and ignore the whole clock change thing in an attempt to fool the kids into sleeping in an hour longer in the morning. It's all going to pot though as things like nursery and playgroup and meals surrounding these things get in the way. Hamish is determined that we get up at 6 and after a night of being up and down it's a struggle. Especially as I find it really hard to get to sleep once I've been woken.
Stevie tells me to go to bed at the same time as the kids, but I never want to do that. I resent then that all my time is 'mummy time' and I don't get any time to myself to do things without being constantly interrupted. Stevie argues 'well, go to bed and you'll get time on your own'. NO, THAT'S NOT THE SAME! and I still get constantly interrupted!! So I stay awake all day, force myself to stay awake in the evenings, and have quite a lot of awake time in the night. Still. After 3 years. How much longer will they keep waking in the night?
(please don't tell me the answer. It could send me into a spiral of despair).